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How ridiculous was that?! As I walked through the stairs of that hall with some friends I saw him passing by holding a paper in rush, I stopped as if I got a punch on my eye and everyone asked me what happened. I told them I feel a bit dizzy and I need to go back down stairs to sit for a few mintues. Actually that was so risque becasue I felt they all knew there’s another reason to go back.
  Anyway, I went back and I crashed with him face by face!! Incredibly naughty, he thought I was following him and that’s true, I told him that he didn’t notice me up stairs and other crap and we ended up in a section together. I hate that, to be together again.
 I went to uni for one day and now I am totally worn out, how about that whole next week, I will probably pass out. I dont wanna be optimistic or even positive, that’s it.
 So as I am going to travel to Las Vegas in September for our play I cannot focus on anything about uni, I wont fail becasue I can’t fail, because when I fail I wont travel and I won’t win the competition, it’s just a play, and though it’s not easy to do it.
  Next week there’s too much to do about the hospital and my damn psychiatrist who wants me to forget about Vegas, the amercican studies frustrating lectures I have to attend, book for another visit to Dubai to meet the play group, edit all the scripts… etc?  
Happy because they win

I was waiting to have it, and I finally could..

 
Ok it looks tiny here!!

 
Hehe, the best damn thing is that I can write on the screen with my hand writting. ;)

 Looking for something else..

Finally I could find something worths listening, it has been a really hard thing to find such music, and I never thought it’s rock, it’s classic rock.
 Ok, this is very old music, and I can smell some dust but they’re amazing and I’ve just got to know them by .. a friend if we can say. 
 

Haha, they look really…I dont know how to describe that, gays of 60’s? No no, their music is great and it’s something smooth to hear. 
 They have Comfortably Numb, Hey you, Shine On you crazy diamond, another brick in the wall, yet another movie, dont leave me now and more and more. But, they’re from the 60’s and 70’s, that’s what I can’t accept, I still feel it’s a brand new music ..!! Really?! Duh.

Never Mind..

 The origins of Pink Floyd developed at Cambridge High School in England in the early sixties. Syd Barrett, Roger Waters, and David Gilmour were all friends there and talked about forming a band But after graduation Gilmore decided to go on to art school in London as Barrett wandered around the country side.Waters meanwhile attended a architecture school in London where he met Nick Mason and Rick Wright. They formed a R&B band called Sigma 6. With Waters on guitar, Mason on the drums and Wright on keyboards, the band also consisted of bassist Clive Metcalfe and vocalist Juliette Gale (who later would marry Wright). That lineup didn’t last to long as Metcalfe and Gale left and Waters switched over to bass and Bob Close came on to play lead guitar. The band’s name changed several times and then Close quit. By the end of ‘65 Waters, Mason and Wright joined up with Barrett who would become the band’s songwriter, lead guitar player and lead singer. He renamed the band Pink Floyd - in honor of blues’ musicians Pinkney ‘Pink’ Anderson and Floyd Council.

Currently listening:
 Comfortably Numb
Wish You Were Here
Another Brick In The Wall
Yet Another Movie
Dont Leave Me Now
Brain Damage
Hey You
Shine On You Crazy Diamond
The Color You Like

still alive?

They just can’t stop me from STARBUCKS, it’s more than coffee, I’d lose my mind if I stopped, no I won’t stop.
 They say that one cup of STARBUCKS coffee produces one cup of palestinian blood. Ok, I felt bad, oh yeah so bad but .. I still think COSTA isn’t that much ..!!

 
 so this is the first picture which made the logo of STARBUCKS

 
 here is the first logo

 
This is the sacond logo .. pleasant? umm not yet !!

Taraaaaaaaaa, this is the lovely logo and the current one as well, I love it!!

The first STARBUCKS in Seattle.

what’s against STARBUCKS ?!

how horrible was that ?!!

Once Jen wrote this … I felt really sorry for her sister, I don’t wish the same end for me. I would die if I just knew that ..

 Have you ever gone a day without eating? 1/2 a day? You start to shake, get snappy, lose focus on little things. Keep that up for a day or two and your body begins to understand something critical: it’s not getting any nourishment and probably won’t be any time soon so it better do something fast to preserve itself. “Hmm…” it thinks. “If she won’t feed me, I will!” So it starts to consume fat, then muscle, then eventually, if you let it go long enough, it starts to consume your organs. All the while, you’re not feeding your brain so you have no ability to think for yourself. You lose the ability to reason…you can’t see that you’re actually allowing your body to consume itself. You can’t even think to try to reverse the process you’ve already begun. Eventually, someone has to do the reasoning for you. Wow! talk about control! But hey! you’ll be skinny, oh yes!Back to my sister. When people start noticing how skinny you’re getting, pressure is brought to bear on you to gain some weight. Nobody is ever happy with the weight you are. You’re either too heavy or too skinny. So you learn tricks to fool people. Push food around on your plate…make them think you’re eating. But when you are forced to actually eat something, then you make a bee-line for the bathroom to vomit. Ahhhhh!! now THERE is a great solution to your problems! You can have your cake AND throw it up too! If you decide to go that route, you’ll feel so in control of yourself! “Hey look what I can do! I can eat but not gain a pound!” Just be aware of the consequences (and these aren’t “potential,” these are guaranteed consequences):1) the hydrochloric acid, the acid that lines your stomach used in digestion, the acid that gives you that burning feeling in your esophagus when you vomit, will eat away the enamel of your teeth with repeated exposure. Eventually, you’ll start to get tooth decay. Mmmmm now there’s a pleasant side-effect! Ever smell the breath of someone with tooth decay? But hey! you’ll be looking hot in those size 1 jeans! Not really…anorexics are never happy or satisfied with their body image.2) Electrolytic imbalance - your body is a marvel. It’s like a well-oiled machine when you take care of it. It knows exactly how much you need of certain nutrients to keep it cooled, warmed, functioning properly, etc. When you starve yourself and/or purge (the soft word for vomiting), you throw your body’s chemistry off. Sugars, salts, potassium, other minerals and vitamins…all those things a body needs for proper functioning get out of whack. The only way to bring them back into alignment is a stint in the hospital whereby they force-feed you those nutrients through a needle stuck in your arm and a feeding tube stuck down your nose, if you refuse to eat. That’s if you’re lucky and it’s caught in time and you haven’t yet suffered heart failure or slipped into a persistent vegetative state a la Terri Schiavo. Remember her?
15 years in a coma before her husband and parents battled it out in court for the right to let her die or let her live. In the end, her husband won the right to pull the plug. I’m guessing he thought that was a small price to pay because she was so thoughtful in life that she starved herself to give him a skinny wife.3) A third consequence binging/purging cycle is your face changes shape and your skin becomes nasty. Your jaws, right where they hinge below your ears, start to enlarge. I’m not sure what causes that (I think it may be a glandular thing), but the overall effect is you start to look a bit like a chipmunk. Your face gets round, an ironic twist for someone who wants to look super skinny. Your skin also goes bad. It gets dry, flaky, and you have breakouts galore. These aren’t necessarily acne; sometimes they’re just sores. But that’s what happens when your body isn’t getting what it needs to survive. It starts the early stages of decomposition.4) One more consequence of anorexia is lanugo. This is a fine, downy like hair that starts to grow over your whole body, including your face. It’s usually very pale, but at roughly 1/8″ to 1/4″, it’s quite visible especially because there is so much of it. This happens because of your body struggles to survive and keep you warm as you strip it of its protective fat and muscle layers. All of these things happened to my sister. It’s guaranteed to happen to anyone who goes down this road. But hey, looking like a hairy chipmunk with bad skin and teeth is a small price to pay for fitting into that dress or those pants. Just ask my sister…oh wait, you can’t. She’s dead.)

Rewind a little. By the time my sister was about 26, she had spent half her life starving herself. She was down to an apple, a piece of bread, and a couple leaves of lettuce a day. That’s about 200 calories. And she was running 7 miles a day. How in God’s name her legs were able to carry her is beyond me. She was also doing a bazillion crunches and push-ups a day. It was only a matter of time before her 84 lb. body gave out. She was in and out of the hospital for years because her internal organs were suffering severely as a result of her neglect and mistreatment. She had numerous abdominal surgeries which resulted in rather lovely scars that criss-crossed her tummy. She was always in severe pain from the strictures caused by the repeated cutting and closing of her abdomen. (Strictures are spaghetti-like scars that grow inward and intertwine with your organs…especially your intestines. When these grow, more surgery is required to remove them. A rather viscious cycle.)

Well, to make a long story short, her heart finally gave out on her. She died alone. But hey! she was wicked skinny when we buried her! I’m so glad she chose to lose all that weight because it made her coffin much lighter.

Honey, I spent a lot of time writing this not to be flippant with you. I did it to scare you senseless. Anorexia is not a glamorous thing. It’s not pretty. It’s not beautiful. Vogue and Cosmopolitan will not be banging down your door to sign you as their next hot thing. The fact that you are contemplating (no, desiring!) such a horrid path is very frightening. At 6′1″, 167 lbs., you are perfect…exactly where you should be. You should be concentrating on healthy habits, instead. Eat lots of fruits and vegetable, whole grains, lean meats, low-fat dairy products. Exercise. Find an activity that gets your blood pumping and that makes you happy and feel good about yourself. It could just be hip-hop dancing…doesn’t have to be anything formally organized. Just move. If you do these things everyday, you will not have a weight problem. You’ll be as you are: a lovely young woman…one with a little meat on her bones.

 This is the truth about this mental sickness, it’s so hard to make it fades away. But one of us -my sickness or me- will ..disappear!!

So, last night I got my result, my bloody result, I dont care.
Freedom is the best thing Im living now, I dont want to lose this, I will always keep smily in the face of …daily life shits ..