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I got to answer some questions, someone sent them via Contact Me link. 

 Superman69, these are your questions answered by Me.

What is your ethnicity?
- White bahraini, half lebanese

How old are you?
- Just 19 and a month

Where do you live?
- Bahrain, Muharraq

What kind of ED do you have?
- Anorexia Nervosa

Do you do drugs?
- Not anymore

Are you close to your parents?
- used to be

Do you see a psychiatrist/psychologist?
- Yup

What is your favourite book?
- I can’t pick but if I have to, Wasted.

Do your parents know about your ED (Eating Disorder) ?
- yes, they knew 2 years later.

How about your friends?
- I tried to hide it from the very beginning. Two or three years later, I told 3 of them because they had doubts.

Ever been to recovery?
- Yes, it has been almost 1 year now, no progress though.

How much weight do you want to lose?
- I always say 2 kg more. The fact about anorexics that they can’t get enough, they lose and lose and don’t stop because they always think they’re huge even when they are extremly thin.

What do you think started your ED?
- That is a good one. The environment I’m in was the main reason to get my ED started, people comment on girls bodies and their shapes, “you’re pretty but don’t get fat”, “once you grow older you will start to gain”. All what they say scares me and I wanted to avoid being as they expect me to be. Secondly, Me wanted to be a model, I had the chance to be when that agency called but guess what I said No because I thought I was fat and that is when I ruined my dream.

What other illnesses besides an ED you have?
- Paranoia !!

Do any of your friends have an ED?
- Nope

Does anyone in your family have an ED ?
- Nope

How often do you weigh yourself?
- I used to do that daily. Now, in every appointment which means weekly.

 you welcome superman69. Other questions cannot be answered here.

Valentino 

 I could not believe what happened. I’ve known this friend for two years now but he never told me and I did not notice that at all, maybe because I don’t watch the national TV channel!! Yesterday I turned on the TV on bahrain channel, news actually and I got shocked, so shocked .. I could not close my eyes nor mouth. I saw that friend standing with the King, my close friend, who I used to talk to 24/7. Duhhhhhhhh.

 I turned it off directly and thought about everything, I knew he was rich, he used to send me expensive gifts when it’s my birthday. He used to wake me up in the morning I mean he used to call me and wake me up because he knows that I dont switch my alarm on. He knows almost everything about me, we used to be so close. Now when he calls to wake me up and I ask him about his work he says yeah I will go later, they can’t say a thing, he goes at 9 am and leave at 1:30 pm, when he arrives to his office he calls and keeps talking to me because according to him there’s nothing to do at work, it’s boring and he plays games on the PC. I found it cool to have a job like that but actually I believe it’s not at all, he hates his job too just because there’s nothing to do!! He even asked me to be his girlfriend but I could not be not because he was 15 years older than me!!

 Anyway, I called him ..

Me: Hi ..?
Him: Hi. Miss you. I just called three times five minutes ago and sent you a message too.

(last message: will you ever wake up??)

Me: yeah I’ve just seen them. I was wondering ..
Him: wondering about what?
Me: you. you’ve never told me about your family.
Him:……..does it make any sense ?!
Me: yes, maybe ..  I just want to know. Come on tell me and I will tell you about mine.
Him: No, it doesn’t make a sense.
Me: aaaaaaaah, yet I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know ..
Him: why now? why you are asking me Now?? just now?
Me: Why? because I’ve just seen you on TV with the king!!!!
Him: …..
Me: what? why you didn’t tell me?
Him: Ok, what did you want me to tell you? How did you want me to tell you? you would think I’m showing off.

  I am still shocked, I used to treat him as a friend, a very close friend, I talked to him about …oh God. I even cannot imagine that I’ve said those things to someone who’s one of the king’s cousins. Dammit. 

 Why is the that video of Valentino Balboni? Because I have talked to that famous man and this video is taked by my friend when Valentino was here. My friend had a Lamborghini car and Valentino is a friend of his and always comes to check his cars and buys or sells. I can’t wait till I meet him too.

 Books I’m looking for and I’m dying to read!!

 picture of the day.

 Is this true?

 Is this true?

Haha, honestly this one has made my day.

This is an interesting one no?

like it? 

 what happened to me?
I now think better and I believe that I have a great thinking and I do exist. 

 okay okay, god
- I need to see, once I see I know.

 
 Here we go again, it will never stop. Jerks, liars and hypocrites are every where and once I know their reality I tend to leave and stay away, that is what I’m supposed to do anyway.

 Two days ago my damn ex has called at 5 am, he called to tell me one of his fake stories those I could’nt believe, he lies and acts and thinks that I do believe his small little junky brain. Who would call someone to tell him something like that? Actually he called to tell me that a girl he has known is in a trouble, she’s 25 year old, single, pregnant, it’s her fourth month now and the father refuses to marry her (respectfully).

 Me: ….

Him: yeah, she’s in a trouble and I feel helpless!

Me: yeah ok, she’s in a trouble and you feel helpless, what role should I play in this story dude?

Him: please, I’m serious about this ok? I would’nt do this to one of my friends, I wanna help her but I cant so I’m calling you now because I think you can do something about this …!!

Me: no I cant do something, I actually cannot do anything to this kind of people and please stop calling me, you took all night to make this story up huh?

 Him: she needs your help, put yourself in her place, wha ..

 Me: Listen, I will never be in her place ever and you know it more than anyone else..

 Him: you think I’m lying to you now right? you do? answer me..

Me: Yes, you are and stop it because you are a shit when you do it.

Him: ok ok, take her number and call her, ask her if you want

Me: ……… ( phone off)

What bothers the most is how could people get my number even when I change it?? perhaps he knows people I know, perhaps he took my number from some friends which means I still have hypocrites who I still consider friends, God. Sometimes I think that I need to throw the phone away and that’s it, I should not own a phone because it doesn’t make my life easier but harder and harder everyday.

 With every single day passes I feel that people are changing too fast, they lie more and get worse and worse, what can I do about it? Fly against the wind?  walk on the other way? people are not people anymore, who could ever say that God does’nt exist? what brain they have? I’m surrounded by atheists!!

 Anyway, about that young woman, I called him yesterday and took her number, I called her and asked her about the whole thing and she said that it’s true she’s pregnant and she needed help. I thought about the whole thing, why would I get myself into troubles and help a slut? what if I helped her and she thanked me and turned to be a nice slave to her God? what if I helped her and she thanked me for helping her but retuned to be a slut again? I chose the other way, to help her.

I went with her to the hospital to make sure that she’s really pregnant and what’s the age of her baby. I called my aunt who is a doctor and she is really good and asked her to do the thing secretly ( is it a secret anymore?) The problem is that my aunt works abroad which means this slut has to travel, but she has no money to travel, she does not work and cannot ask her parents to pay for her ticket because they’re not supposed to know right?! She cried and moaned but I couldn’t pay for a slut, she has to pay the price, hasn’t she?
 
 Now here is the point, he, my ex told me that he’s going to pay and she will pay him back later. I could have paid, this is not about money, this is about dignity. I asked him to give me an honest answer to this question “are you the fucking father?” …..

 Of course he was the father and if he’s not going to marry her and if he cant take the blame and wants to live safely so no problems will come through his way, that is all what he could do. She will travel tomorrow, she told her parents that she’s going to visit her sister who lives in Qatar, I called the sister and told her about it all and asked her to be secretive about this with her parents in case they called.

 I dont know why I’ve chosen to do this I really have enough shits in my life, I didnt need something like this to come across. Maybe because I wanted to feel that I still can do something good in my life, to make up all the things I do and all the sins I commit daily.

P.S  Who says that God does not exist cannot say that God claims. Who does not exist does not claim too.

     A month ago I’ve met a guy who knows nothing, literally nothing. He represents the situation of a huge group of guys over this country. I couldn’t believe that he really didn’t know the things I asked him about. First, I started to talk to him in English like any other person I meet at work, he stopped me and asked me to talk in Arabic, for a moment I wondered why but I didn’t give a real damn about it and carried on, I mentioned some words in English, words that everyone ‘supposed’ to know like “for example”, “already”, “however” and so on but he couldn’t understand, he kept asking me what does that mean “umm, wh..wha..what? sorry? Wh..what you say??”. I felt that I was talking to a big dumb, he’s really a big dumb and the fact that I have to work with this person every single day is just like the pain in the ass.

   I was talking to someone about an interesting video we both have seen on youtube and we were excited about it, that’s when he came across to show his curiosity, he asked about that video what was it about and where was it, I told him that he can find it on youtube.com, guess what. He doesn’t know youtube, the site that considred the most useful website in 2007. I showed him youtube on the screen and told him about it, I “taught” him how to use it and how would it help him. He was like ‘what an invention’, to him it was the most amazing thing in the entire universe, how could people do that?  Once he knew about my sickness, he was very lucky to know because I wouldn’t tell him about it, he asked me “what is anoo-rexa-neervoseh?!” I told him that it’s just a disease and I cant tell him more about it otherwise he can google it, he looked at me for a minute then he turned his back to go to his office but then he turn and said “I’m sorry but what do you mean by saying google it?” ..whaaaaat?! “I’m sorry, I can’t explain”.

It was a really hard night, very sleepless one, although I’ve started my new job on August 1st I still cant get used to sleep early, early means before 3am, I tried my best to sleep ealier last night but there was no positive results. 

 I decided to turn the DVD player on and I started to watch old seasons of Grey’s Anatomy, Heroes, Dexter and Friends, digging into London Dairy ice cream jar, it has been my only resource to get my intake of calories. It was pretty nice to lay down naked watching all these stuff to feed my head and my heart, I’m Leo so I got bored. I turned the indivdual party off and tried to sleep again and shake the bad thoughts away, that is when I noticed three missed calls from a strange number so I called back for once but nobody answered, soon it rang and I picked up..

Me: Hellow..

Her: Hi, who is this?!

Me: sorry, you’re calling, may I know who is talking?

Her: No, you just called minutes ago, it’s not my number, it’s my husband’s..

Me: Ok, but I dont know your husband, I just called back when I saw three missed calls from this number, that’s it and I apologize..

Her: if you know my husband just tell me, I know about him and I know that he plays with many girls and he drinks, he’s just playing around and you better tell me if you know him to protect yourself.. (I smelled a scent of a trouble)

Me: wait wait, please wait, I honeslty don’t know what you’re talking about, I dont know your husband, I just called back and I guess it was my biggest mistake.

Her: Listen, he’s missing now, cops are trying to find him ok? he’s amarican and he’s been missing since 10 days now and we all are trying to find him, please tell me where is he now, by the way he’s mentally sick so you’ll be in danger ..

Me: what? hey I told you I know nothing about this whole thing, I dont know you, I dont know your husband, I wish i could help you but sorry ..

That was pretty weird, she was telling me about details that I dont give a damn about, she asked me about my name, if I’m bahraini or not or if I’m half bahraini, my age .. I kinda felt it was a dream or something.

 The minute I left the phone and started to think about what she said, it range again so I thought she missed a question or some details about her missing husband, but it actually was another strange number..

 Me: Hiiiii (yawning), sorry..Hi

 Him: Hi? Nader?

Me: no no, it’s ok, I guess you called the wrong number, it’s ok you’re forgiven , bye.

Him: no wait, I..I think it’s Nader’s number right?!

Me: well, does my voice sound like I’m someone called Nader?!

Him: no at all!! but my friend’s number is like yours but it has 9 instead of 6 in the middle ..

Me: its ok, you’re forgiven, have a nice day.

Him: ermmm, wait is it ok to call on this number again?!

Me: on this number? for what purpose?

Him: I just ..ermm..I just like your voice

Me: fuck off, NO YOU CANNOT.

 That was really ridiculous, who’s that asshole who calls people at 5 am for no purpose and then he gets a really good purpose, all I wanted is to get some time to sleep just to be able to fake a smile on my face in the morning.

 It was so nice to be with some kind friends, shakin’ the stress away, went to see Hancock which wasn’t that good. It was nice to find some time to forget about what’s really stressful. 

 Again, I’ve seen an old friend who had told me that he’s interested in guys more and told me about the fact that he’s gay. He could have told me in a kind way, I don’t blame him, he didn’t know that I support gay marriages. It’s all about finding a soulmate right?! Shit.

 If you’re one of Grey’s Anatomy fans then you probably will know this person..

T.R. Knight

 
he’s called George O’mally in Grey’s and he’s gay. Recently, he’s got married from his boyfriend Matt Corneisen.
Here they’re walking their dogs together, how romantic!! I envy “her”. 

The Wedding ..

 He’s been asked about having children in future and if he longs to be a father and the answer was “well, the idea of it .. yeah” he said hesitantly.

 But my ex friend used to be so normal, he tried his best not show anything about his interest in guys, once he said “I hate beards, I love guys with shaved faces”. It wasn’t normal to hear something like that, add to that the way it sounded. I’ve never asked him about being with some girl because I actually didn’t want him to think that I was interested or something which is true, I wasn’t. But he could have told me, I’m ok with it.  That doesnt mean I am a lesbian or I want to get a wife instead of getting a husband. It’s just that I understand the whole thing about it. 
 
 So today when we met by coincidence and shaked hands I felt that he’s ashamed or shy maybe, but I told him indirectly about O’mally’s marriage and how lovely the couple looked, I know I was a jerk to say somthing awful like that to a gay but it didnt mind at the time, he just said that if they really love each other then they’ll be happy!! Yeah dear with a big hole in your ass! I swear I remembered him with his boyfriend while I was watching Hancock, you know that scene when Will Smith got that guy’s head into his friend’s ass. Jeeeeeeez. And it was really good that we both could talk about our sexual issues, he talked about how it hurts and how good it feels at the same time I felt like he was pouring his heart out. That’s a positive sign : )

 Good for them both .. 
 

I’ve spent the last three days in London. As usual you dont feel the time where you like to be. Again, took some shoots.

 
 just a random pic.

to be honest, these are things I really had to buy..

 I enjoyed being there, though three days weren’t enough at all, not even close to be. Being there with Daddy means being there alone. That was even better, he was busy all the time, come to provide me with some cash and  leaves again. That was awesome.
 
I wanted to be there in winter its always better. you can smoke to warm yourself up, their coffee shops are so warm and the coffee has another taste in at the time too.
 
 Loved that.

 So much fun, thanks god it’s not boring anymore, for someone who’s fond of guitars and rock I will never feel bored again. We have been taking our guitars and go out to any place, crowded or empty, narrow or huge ..it’s always fun with sounds of our guitars, different guitars.

 Soon and before we fly to LV in September we will be in Dubai where we can see wonderful concerts ..

 
 and that’s what I’m talking about

  Exams kill, dont they? yes they kill. They bring more sicknesses no doubt about that, anxiety, stress, headache..etc. Im not over complaining but that’s what I have recently realized. Tomorrow is my last exam and I’ll sleep forever when go back home.  Hopefully I wont lose any of my GPA, Im not ready to know that Im getting worse in everything.

  My journey to Vegas is soon, I will finally break free for a while, its going to be very stressful there but I guess it’s much better. I need to stay away from all what has happened through this year, people think that Im someone else because there’s a girl who said that she’s me (pretty interesting, isnt it?!), I want to stay away from some people due to the lack of kindess they have. Friends who talk behind my back, they’re nice to me but think that you tell lies all the time. This world is going nut!!

 What sucks most is that my therapist still thinks I’m making no progress at all, he says that telling him that I’m doing my best isn’t enough and I might lie about that. I’m very honest and got the best damn therapist in the whole universe. Everytime I go there and sit in his sight to check me out he keeps looking for minutes to tell me at the end “poor thing dear, what are you doing through week days?? how often do you eat?” .. I eat like a wild animal but that doesnt work, then what the hell I’m supposed to do?! Fuck this disease.

  On the other side, what makes this world is even worse instead of making it better for drivers, those police men who stop people like me …innocent people lets say hehe. I was driving in peace, he just stopped me to ask me about my name and whose car I was driving, how old I am .. and yeah wait listen to this lovely question .. where did you get this nice hair cut?!! Duhhhh. I just wanted to know what’s wrong and why he asked me all those silly questions, at the end he asked me to enjoy driving and that he wanted to check something no more.

 I will take a long break, it’s going to be forever as I said. I wont open a book and won’t read a word unless for my  benefit!!