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I’m dying, so sick ..

Anyway, I traveled for three days to see my mother and I could find some books I was looking for.

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

Now reading: Siddhartha
Now listening: Rule The World by Take That (this the best thing I can listen to now, it takes my breath away)

Last drink: water
Last Food: salad
Last shower: 2:50 AM
Last conversation: McSteamy & Rez
Last sleep: 4:30 PM
Last movie: Tropic Thunder
Last cry: 25 hours ago
Last sex: 21 hours ago
Last shopping: two days ago
Last fight: a week ago
Last laugh: 2 hours ago
Last SMS: 30 minutes ago
Last call: 6 hours ago
Last book: Wasted
Last birthday: Da7mooh’s
Last fun: at Maggi’s
Last playlist: I kissed a girl, no air, closer, can you hear me, comfortably numb, hey you ..

 from my last shopping..

Ramadan Kareem

 I should just stop going to see a doctor, I dont think I’m getting better anyway, people dont understand that I just like it that way. I started to get used to my eating disorder. I mean look around, most people have health problems, cancer, aids, BBD and more, thats all horrible. I’m fine, it kills, but in style. At least thats what I can say to feel better.

  I’ve never been told that I’m making a little progress, never, therefore I have no courage to try it more, I’ve been smoking drugs for the last four months, I had stopped drinking but it didnt work when I tried to forget about this sickness without drinking. what makes it even worse is that my psychiatrist always take hope from me, pours more black into my life and in my eyes, I’ve been with no hope at all, it kills inside. Pain and wounds, razors that all sucks.

 wish me a better life. Without any fucking eating disorder, without Miss anorexia.

I’ve spent the last three days in London. As usual you dont feel the time where you like to be. Again, took some shoots.

 
 just a random pic.

to be honest, these are things I really had to buy..

 I enjoyed being there, though three days weren’t enough at all, not even close to be. Being there with Daddy means being there alone. That was even better, he was busy all the time, come to provide me with some cash and  leaves again. That was awesome.
 
I wanted to be there in winter its always better. you can smoke to warm yourself up, their coffee shops are so warm and the coffee has another taste in at the time too.
 
 Loved that.

 So much fun, thanks god it’s not boring anymore, for someone who’s fond of guitars and rock I will never feel bored again. We have been taking our guitars and go out to any place, crowded or empty, narrow or huge ..it’s always fun with sounds of our guitars, different guitars.

 Soon and before we fly to LV in September we will be in Dubai where we can see wonderful concerts ..

 
 and that’s what I’m talking about

I love presidents when they die. Today I had a test, actually I woke up saying Im 100% sure Im gonna fail no doubt about it. I changed and did the same program I do every morning and went down stairs to check the newspapers while Im waiting for Mom. Guess what!! On the first page, that lovely cute prince of Kuwait whose name is Saad El-Abdullah has died today, he’s so amazing at timing, thank you God, I will always remember this grace.

   I ran to my room, threw everything back and slept for a couple of hours with no dreams or nightmares or any fears of eating meals today. I slept with a big smile on my face, saying  “Prince Saad rest in peace“.

 That is what I am doing to myself as he said. Not True. I dont even smoke, I stopped taking pills (Mom stole them anyway), and I think that I eat more now. He tells lies, he cannot be a doctor!!

 I have got my own motivation, he helps me alot and that makes Mom feels happy about me that I’m getting better. She doesn’t understand why I am trying to recover and get my treatment properly. I wont tell her though, bleh.

 Well, many people have no idea that a woman needs at least 1500 calories daily and a man needs at least 2500 calories daily. I used to take 300 calories daily no more, it’s a crime to break this rule, but now I started to take 500 calories and even more. That’s very good for me, without getting any help from that dump ass.

 Finally, I am starting to feel well again, with my own help.

btw, he said that this girl in the pic has the same hight and weight as mine. Again, definitely he’s telling crap. I dont think I look like that at all!!!

  I feel blue. It was the best weekend since uni has started. Feeling exhausted never ends though.
 It was so nice to spend more time with parents, I mean without yelling and fighting, but going back to uni on Monday wasn’t that much pleasant. Actually it was almost the worst day that anyone would have, but there was something had changed the entire mood. 

 So, on Mon I have only two lectures and this Monday I was so sleepy due to insomnia, that’s why I skipped the first lecture at 8 am. Then the second lecture starts at 9:30 but I got there late because I had to wait for someone to wake me up. lol!

  however, I opened the door, something was not normal at all, everyone was looking right down, I thought ‘they’re writting something.. what is it??’, then the doctor asked me to take me a paper so I thought ‘it must be an exercise for all students’. I took the paper and sat in a random place, I read what was written on the first page…”The second semester mid-term exam 2007-2008″. I read it again and again and again but then I realized how big is my trouble!! 

  “doctor, I thought our first test is going to be on the 7th of April” I exclaimed. “..which means ..today?” he said smiling. Wow, I knew why I had been wondering whose birthday is on the 7th. I felt so so dumb & idiot. The guy on my right laughed as I left my paper on the doctor’s desk and walked away.

   I was walking around going to nowhere, I tried to find someone just to tell what has just happened. Luckily, I saw him from a distance, I kept walking but I remembered that damn test and started to tear, but no one noticed. He saw me, approached and whispered “wanna a suger free cup of coffee?”. An instant of silence, “remember, its sugar free, no calories” he reminded. Then Me said “its ok, but its hot today..”. 

 In spite of the fact that I didnt want to see him, I felt so glad when I went back home, I forgot about the test, about the laughing guy, my insomnia and all those shits. He makes me laugh, smile, and talk talk talk …. I wouldnt talk to anyone that much. We sat there in S17 for 3 hours but it felt like three minutes, no fustian I swear.

 Everyone needs someone like that, especially at a moment like that. <3
 
                                            

It’s Sunday morning, I’ve decided not to go to uni and I really don’t know why. I had slept around 4 am because I didn’t want to miss Grey’s Anatomy episode at 2:30 am. But Im used to sleep late and wake up early, that was just an excuse but now I feel regret and it’s  eating my conscious.
 
 I have no reason to stay, I even don’t feel sleepy and I am not in bed either, plus Sunday is the most important day due to the 4 lectures I have, so that was the most rediculous decision I have taken yet this semester!!

 So as usual every morning I sit in the same place!!
 
 And becasue I have nothing to do after the “Lovely” weekend I am posting this worthless post right here..right now!!