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  Exams kill, dont they? yes they kill. They bring more sicknesses no doubt about that, anxiety, stress, headache..etc. Im not over complaining but that’s what I have recently realized. Tomorrow is my last exam and I’ll sleep forever when go back home.  Hopefully I wont lose any of my GPA, Im not ready to know that Im getting worse in everything.

  My journey to Vegas is soon, I will finally break free for a while, its going to be very stressful there but I guess it’s much better. I need to stay away from all what has happened through this year, people think that Im someone else because there’s a girl who said that she’s me (pretty interesting, isnt it?!), I want to stay away from some people due to the lack of kindess they have. Friends who talk behind my back, they’re nice to me but think that you tell lies all the time. This world is going nut!!

 What sucks most is that my therapist still thinks I’m making no progress at all, he says that telling him that I’m doing my best isn’t enough and I might lie about that. I’m very honest and got the best damn therapist in the whole universe. Everytime I go there and sit in his sight to check me out he keeps looking for minutes to tell me at the end “poor thing dear, what are you doing through week days?? how often do you eat?” .. I eat like a wild animal but that doesnt work, then what the hell I’m supposed to do?! Fuck this disease.

  On the other side, what makes this world is even worse instead of making it better for drivers, those police men who stop people like me …innocent people lets say hehe. I was driving in peace, he just stopped me to ask me about my name and whose car I was driving, how old I am .. and yeah wait listen to this lovely question .. where did you get this nice hair cut?!! Duhhhh. I just wanted to know what’s wrong and why he asked me all those silly questions, at the end he asked me to enjoy driving and that he wanted to check something no more.

 I will take a long break, it’s going to be forever as I said. I wont open a book and won’t read a word unless for my  benefit!!

I love presidents when they die. Today I had a test, actually I woke up saying Im 100% sure Im gonna fail no doubt about it. I changed and did the same program I do every morning and went down stairs to check the newspapers while Im waiting for Mom. Guess what!! On the first page, that lovely cute prince of Kuwait whose name is Saad El-Abdullah has died today, he’s so amazing at timing, thank you God, I will always remember this grace.

   I ran to my room, threw everything back and slept for a couple of hours with no dreams or nightmares or any fears of eating meals today. I slept with a big smile on my face, saying  “Prince Saad rest in peace“.

  I feel blue. It was the best weekend since uni has started. Feeling exhausted never ends though.
 It was so nice to spend more time with parents, I mean without yelling and fighting, but going back to uni on Monday wasn’t that much pleasant. Actually it was almost the worst day that anyone would have, but there was something had changed the entire mood. 

 So, on Mon I have only two lectures and this Monday I was so sleepy due to insomnia, that’s why I skipped the first lecture at 8 am. Then the second lecture starts at 9:30 but I got there late because I had to wait for someone to wake me up. lol!

  however, I opened the door, something was not normal at all, everyone was looking right down, I thought ‘they’re writting something.. what is it??’, then the doctor asked me to take me a paper so I thought ‘it must be an exercise for all students’. I took the paper and sat in a random place, I read what was written on the first page…”The second semester mid-term exam 2007-2008″. I read it again and again and again but then I realized how big is my trouble!! 

  “doctor, I thought our first test is going to be on the 7th of April” I exclaimed. “..which means ..today?” he said smiling. Wow, I knew why I had been wondering whose birthday is on the 7th. I felt so so dumb & idiot. The guy on my right laughed as I left my paper on the doctor’s desk and walked away.

   I was walking around going to nowhere, I tried to find someone just to tell what has just happened. Luckily, I saw him from a distance, I kept walking but I remembered that damn test and started to tear, but no one noticed. He saw me, approached and whispered “wanna a suger free cup of coffee?”. An instant of silence, “remember, its sugar free, no calories” he reminded. Then Me said “its ok, but its hot today..”. 

 In spite of the fact that I didnt want to see him, I felt so glad when I went back home, I forgot about the test, about the laughing guy, my insomnia and all those shits. He makes me laugh, smile, and talk talk talk …. I wouldnt talk to anyone that much. We sat there in S17 for 3 hours but it felt like three minutes, no fustian I swear.

 Everyone needs someone like that, especially at a moment like that. <3
 
                                            

It’s Sunday morning, I’ve decided not to go to uni and I really don’t know why. I had slept around 4 am because I didn’t want to miss Grey’s Anatomy episode at 2:30 am. But Im used to sleep late and wake up early, that was just an excuse but now I feel regret and it’s  eating my conscious.
 
 I have no reason to stay, I even don’t feel sleepy and I am not in bed either, plus Sunday is the most important day due to the 4 lectures I have, so that was the most rediculous decision I have taken yet this semester!!

 So as usual every morning I sit in the same place!!
 
 And becasue I have nothing to do after the “Lovely” weekend I am posting this worthless post right here..right now!!

How ridiculous was that?! As I walked through the stairs of that hall with some friends I saw him passing by holding a paper in rush, I stopped as if I got a punch on my eye and everyone asked me what happened. I told them I feel a bit dizzy and I need to go back down stairs to sit for a few mintues. Actually that was so risque becasue I felt they all knew there’s another reason to go back.
  Anyway, I went back and I crashed with him face by face!! Incredibly naughty, he thought I was following him and that’s true, I told him that he didn’t notice me up stairs and other crap and we ended up in a section together. I hate that, to be together again.
 I went to uni for one day and now I am totally worn out, how about that whole next week, I will probably pass out. I dont wanna be optimistic or even positive, that’s it.
 So as I am going to travel to Las Vegas in September for our play I cannot focus on anything about uni, I wont fail becasue I can’t fail, because when I fail I wont travel and I won’t win the competition, it’s just a play, and though it’s not easy to do it.
  Next week there’s too much to do about the hospital and my damn psychiatrist who wants me to forget about Vegas, the amercican studies frustrating lectures I have to attend, book for another visit to Dubai to meet the play group, edit all the scripts… etc?  
Happy because they win

So, last night I got my result, my bloody result, I dont care.
Freedom is the best thing Im living now, I dont want to lose this, I will always keep smily in the face of …daily life shits ..

こんにちは

Hey, its holiday and nothing sounds great so far. Fighting with parents, cannot get on well with sister, I wont see my friends that much and that journey to Dubai has been canceled!! Woow, thats all what I need to live a wonderful holiday.

 Too many friends and people around are talking about changing majors which is unpleasant thing no doubt, and though it doesnt mean anything for me but somehow it scares me. God, changing majors ?! Never mind, my results will be shown on 4th Feb, should I be concerned about it?! I am not, honestly Im excited and god may help.
 
 For someone who works in REEF, life is fun with lots of work and boring without going work. Yes thats weird for most of people but why does someone enjoy his job like that, its credit control !! who would like to work on his weekend days?!  神. No matter how much you get paid, no one should work that much, gym, work, restaurant, work, sleep, gym, work, restaurant, work, restaurant, sleep..atc, GOD !!! I would die like that. 

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One final exam left and I’ll finally start my holiday. Actually I wasn’t waiting for this holiday like others, simply because I wasn’t stress and depressed in studying like them, 4 subjects with UTH system were pretty fine .. you wouldnt hate your life and study like that.

  I don’t miss TV but TV miss me alot, I am no longer busy since 16 June 2007 and though I dont have time for watching it, DVD, videos, ipod, players and other stuffs are enough for me now. Thank you Japan. ありがとう

 Anyway, I’ve been doing pretty good in all my 3 exams and I hope do the same tomorrow, Im really optimistic about that, but still ..who knows what Im going to do !!
 
 shuma dar rashtayy adabyat *** dars me5oned
 Who knows about persians and who doesn’t, they’re different, you find the good one and the worse, but people you have to know they’re not cruel, you have to think about it, and hey persians dont disturb/insult this country, others do. He sounded so serious and so do I, but think changes rapidly..yes to the negative direction, and of course I hate that, we were fine, but “all good things come to an end”.
  New friends and new people are both great to happen in someone’s life. I have that great thing in my life now.

 Thanks god for everything, god may bless all of us.

さよなら

Recently, I realized how much Im addicted!!  Well, addicted on many things and I may forget many if I tried to mention the addictions. 

 First, even though I do not like chocolate too much -its something weird for many people but yes I dont like it- I am addicted on Senzi, actually many girls are, I dont know why, Galaxy productions are all successful and wanted, you hardly find someone refuses to take a piece but Senzi is something different, I dont know about the other sex. 

 Secondly, I am addicted on mirrors, and this is a big problem for me and friends, because I am always late to meet them, why? I am standing in front of that mirror, I am late to attend a lecture, I am in the w.c in front of the mirror, I make cars crowds when I do not notice the green traffic light because simply Im checking my mascara in the mirror, so this addiction is the worst I guess, I cant control myself when I notice a mirror -how silly and childish? I know-  whenever I go there - w.c - I forget myself over there .. it sucks!! 

 How much pepsi or coffee could you drink per day ?! 3 cups of coffee? 5 cups ? 2 cans of pepsi ? Well, whatever, it must not be 10 !!
 
  Shopping, ok many girls like it, they adore it, they are crazy about it, but this is too much, who pays 300 BD just for clothes in one day. I am such a dumb, no no maybe I was numb while Im shopping. I couldnt believe it when I checked the bills.

 Others?!  speed, extra sugar free drops, black sugar free coffee, morning riding, movies .. sleeping..talking..etc.

4 am: lets get out somewhere
           now ??
           yes
           are you dreaming?! fuck off !

6 am: please, why not ?! its morning now
           - I have uni, I couldnt sleep well last
             night, my phone caused me a headache due to your
             calls all night, please I need to sleep, bye.

6:23 am: listen, five minutes, ok? only five before you leave to
                 uni, I swear its important, I need to tell you something.
                - tell me now then, I cant go anywhere before uni. Im 
                   tireeeeeeeeed.
                   ok, what about lunch time, no excuses right ?!
                - whats your problem, I’ll be at uni. bye, do not call me  
                   back.

6:35 am : [ calling, switched it off ]

12 pm : please !!
              fuck offfffffff

3 pm : ok, here we are, what do you want? 
            - do you know that car we saw a week ago ?
            yeah, what about that car?
            - its mine now
             really ??
             - yeah, wanna go on a ride ?!
             yep, sure, lets go
             - now, I have just knew how to to deal with girls !!

 boys are a waste of bones and skin, arent they ?!
 *sigh*