Anyway, I traveled for three days to see my mother and I could find some books I was looking for.

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

Now reading: Siddhartha
Now listening: Rule The World by Take That (this the best thing I can listen to now, it takes my breath away)

 Superman69, these are your questions answered by Me.

What is your ethnicity?
- White bahraini, half lebanese

How old are you?
- Just 19 and a month

Where do you live?
- Bahrain, Muharraq

What kind of ED do you have?
- Anorexia Nervosa

Do you do drugs?
- Not anymore

Are you close to your parents?
- used to be

Do you see a psychiatrist/psychologist?
- Yup

What is your favourite book?
- I can’t pick but if I have to, Wasted.

Do your parents know about your ED (Eating Disorder) ?
- yes, they knew 2 years later.

How about your friends?
- I tried to hide it from the very beginning. Two or three years later, I told 3 of them because they had doubts.

Ever been to recovery?
- Yes, it has been almost 1 year now, no progress though.

How much weight do you want to lose?
- I always say 2 kg more. The fact about anorexics that they can’t get enough, they lose and lose and don’t stop because they always think they’re huge even when they are extremly thin.

What do you think started your ED?
- That is a good one. The environment I’m in was the main reason to get my ED started, people comment on girls bodies and their shapes, “you’re pretty but don’t get fat”, “once you grow older you will start to gain”. All what they say scares me and I wanted to avoid being as they expect me to be. Secondly, Me wanted to be a model, I had the chance to be when that agency called but guess what I said No because I thought I was fat and that is when I ruined my dream.

What other illnesses besides an ED you have?
- Paranoia !!

Do any of your friends have an ED?
- Nope

Does anyone in your family have an ED ?
- Nope

How often do you weigh yourself?
- I used to do that daily. Now, in every appointment which means weekly.

 you welcome superman69. Other questions cannot be answered here.

I don’t know why some people get shocked that much when I confess living alone at the age of nineteen (do-wa-beest). They get shocked when they know that I work and study and travel alone. Ok, I believe that these things are hard for a 19 years old girl, yes it’s hard, but it’s not my choice to live alone, it’s not my choice to be the only daughter, no brothers and no sisters, but yes it is my choice to work, to study, to protect myself while living alone. (not really alone, I still have the maid).

 I could not prevent my mother from living with her family outside. I could not ask my father to change his job so he can stay with me. The thing is, I suggested to travel to see my mother and when I called her to give her some “good” news she said “this ain’t a good idea”. I did not want to live alone but this is not the end of the world and their absence does not allow me to be free to drink, go back to drugs and any such things. I thank God that I’m not flattered to do what any other girl would do in the absence of her parents.

 I dare to say that I’m proud of who I am, I’m proud and satisfied, having some nice friends standing by my side give me the comfort I need to survive. I swear I get timorous when I read those horrible news happening every single day over this cursed country, people are being animals, jerks what brains do they have?! crimes are speading all around us and what I’m supposed to do with that alone?!!

 Dear lord in heaven, I pray that soon my parents will come back to me, that moments of forever will be added to our future together, that I will be forever healed, that I will get just what I desereve no more. Amen.

 I could not believe what happened. I’ve known this friend for two years now but he never told me and I did not notice that at all, maybe because I don’t watch the national TV channel!! Yesterday I turned on the TV on bahrain channel, news actually and I got shocked, so shocked .. I could not close my eyes nor mouth. I saw that friend standing with the King, my close friend, who I used to talk to 24/7. Duhhhhhhhh.

 I turned it off directly and thought about everything, I knew he was rich, he used to send me expensive gifts when it’s my birthday. He used to wake me up in the morning I mean he used to call me and wake me up because he knows that I dont switch my alarm on. He knows almost everything about me, we used to be so close. Now when he calls to wake me up and I ask him about his work he says yeah I will go later, they can’t say a thing, he goes at 9 am and leave at 1:30 pm, when he arrives to his office he calls and keeps talking to me because according to him there’s nothing to do at work, it’s boring and he plays games on the PC. I found it cool to have a job like that but actually I believe it’s not at all, he hates his job too just because there’s nothing to do!! He even asked me to be his girlfriend but I could not be not because he was 15 years older than me!!

 Anyway, I called him ..

Me: Hi ..?
Him: Hi. Miss you. I just called three times five minutes ago and sent you a message too.

(last message: will you ever wake up??)

Me: yeah I’ve just seen them. I was wondering ..
Him: wondering about what?
Me: you. you’ve never told me about your family.
Him:……..does it make any sense ?!
Me: yes, maybe ..  I just want to know. Come on tell me and I will tell you about mine.
Him: No, it doesn’t make a sense.
Me: aaaaaaaah, yet I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know ..
Him: why now? why you are asking me Now?? just now?
Me: Why? because I’ve just seen you on TV with the king!!!!
Him: …..
Me: what? why you didn’t tell me?
Him: Ok, what did you want me to tell you? How did you want me to tell you? you would think I’m showing off.

  I am still shocked, I used to treat him as a friend, a very close friend, I talked to him about …oh God. I even cannot imagine that I’ve said those things to someone who’s one of the king’s cousins. Dammit. 

 Why is the that video of Valentino Balboni? Because I have talked to that famous man and this video is taked by my friend when Valentino was here. My friend had a Lamborghini car and Valentino is a friend of his and always comes to check his cars and buys or sells. I can’t wait till I meet him too.

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
- Billy Crystal. US comedian & movie actor.

 Golf and Sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
- Jimmy Demaret.

 Any piece of clothing can be sexy with a quietly passionate women inside it.
- O magazine, The Shy Girl’s Guide To Sex, Feb 2003.

Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It’s much sexier than any body part.
- Aimee Mullins. Oprah Magazine.

 A hedge between keeps friendship green.
- German Proverb.

For prayer is nothing else than being on terms of friendship with God.
- Saint Teresa of Avila

Erose will have naked bodies, friendship naked personalities.
- C. S. Lewis.

I’ll keep it short and sweet. Family, Religion, Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
- Matt Groening

True friendship is like sound health, the value is seldom appreciated until it is lost.
- Charles Caleb Colton

Life’s truest happiness is found in friendships we make along the way.
- (I don’s know who said that)

 I now think better about my psychiatrist, he is a nice man and I used to hate him when he talks about those private things I hate to talk about but now it is way different, he tries his best to make me through and hopefully I’ll go over it soon.

 Although it’s Ramadan now I needed to get nutrition through mouth and nutrient, sometimes injections which hurts like hell. My psychiatrist was always there the past few days as long as Mom doesn’t live in the country and Dad traveled the day I passed out. I’d like to thank all my friends and cousins who were there for me too when I needed to feel that I still have a family, I wanna curse all those diet pills and laxatives I had used for years though I’m not sure that I am not going to use them again.

 I met Noora, a young woman I’ve known from hospital and she has been suferring from anorexia for years just like me, but this time she looked better and healthier too, I was like how could she make it?  she talked too much about her husband and that he’s the one who helped her and now she’s almost over it. She’s considered a good trigger and motivation to me. I’d like to thank her too and her husband, his words were so inspiring.

 I can’t remember how my life was before anorexia and I can’t remember the beginning, all I remember is that I’ve been obsessed to be thin and very thin and tiny, to shrink and be as small as possible, I’d never thought that it’s going to be this way, to get a very dangerous and fatal sickness and it plays with my brain. I want to say to those wannarexic that this is not a lifestyle and it’s not fun, it kills idiots so stop trying to be anorexics and stop acting as if you were real anorexics, go and get a life people, you’re fine just be proud of that.

 I still need to stay in the hospital till I gain “some” weight, a doctor said I need to gain 10% of the lost weight so far and then he will give my releave. I miss work and fasting and home.

 Books I’m looking for and I’m dying to read!!

 picture of the day.

 Is this true?

 Is this true?

Haha, honestly this one has made my day.

This is an interesting one no?

like it? 

 what happened to me?
I now think better and I believe that I have a great thinking and I do exist. 

 okay okay, god
- I need to see, once I see I know.

 from my last shopping..

Ramadan Kareem